The followers are disappearing and I’m sad for me. I was three away from 200. Now I am 7. :( :( :(
I’m only seeing the boy with glasses once a week - basically.
It sucks and it’s hard but today while I was with him for a few hours, we had a quick nap and it was so nice. He held me mostly the entire time, which never happens because I’m always the big spoon.
It was so nice and cozy and he wrapped his leg around me for a bit and the dogs were there. It was nice.
It was really really nice.
But tonight I’m sleeping with my cat. And that is better than anything in the world.
I drove past an ex boyfriends house today.
And thought a lot about how I’ve changed.
I can point out where every room is.
That house helped me grow.
God I have a lot of memories there.
I’ve been trying to replace them, I’ve been trying to create better ones.
But it all started there.
Today the best part of my day was saying goodbye to the boy with glasses.
Because even though I felt overly self conscious - about my body image, and the fact that I was unsure if he even wanted to spend time with me today or if I was intruding, or if maybe he’s getting tired of me - he still held me close and kissed me.
It wasn’t a light peck, it was a real kiss. Like when we first started dating and every time he said goodbye he’d give me that kiss and I’d walk around with a dumb smile on my face and sit down on my friends bed and sigh about how lovely he was.
His lips were so soft today.
His beard scratched against my face.
And the music from his sisters bath upstairs filled the front hallway.
I thought a lot about the night I first hung out with him. How I came to his house and I pet Bijou. Now when I come over, she greets me at the door with kisses and her tail wags.
I feel like I’m in girlfriend limbo. I’m a part of the family, but I’m also not.
Because I never know if I’m intruding any more. I never know if he even wants to hang out with me.
Even as I write this. I just have weird feeling.
I don’t know what that means.
But I know I don’t like it.